What goes around... comes around.

If you are reading this, you are on the DARKER side of my imagination.

BOOMERANG
By: Jerilee Kaye

“What goes around… comes around.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Christine…

She was the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning. Her smile lingers in my memory and the idea of seeing her again would have a stronger effect than three shots of any form of caffeine in my system.

I smiled as I reached for my cellular phone to send her a good morning SMS.

Good morning. Pick you up in an hour?

That was my usual line. Thousands of flowery words come to my mind, but somehow I haven’t worked up the courage say any of them to her. I have attempted about a hundred times to slip in something Shakespearean, but somehow, I find myself pressing the clear button and settling for my usual Good morning lines. Casual. Warm. Platonic.

I have given her no hint of what she really meant to me. She was my madness. My addiction. But I never found the guts to tell her… or show her anything beyond friendship.

I picked her up in my new Lexus in exactly fifty-five minutes. I waited patiently, as I know she would make me wait for at least fifteen minutes, which she normally does.

And just when my patience started waning, and I feel the first temptation to blow the horn to ask her to hurry up, the front gate opened and she emerged, looking sassy in a skintight low waist denim pants, plain Sabrina top, her light brown hair tied in a pony, with curly locks falling seductively on both sides of her angelic face. She didn’t wear any make up, save for the lip gloss that made me want to plunge for but a taste of her pouting lips.

She looked almost virginal. And yet, she has that look of an angel fallen from grace as well.

Christine drove half the guys in our college crazy. But nobody has managed to catch her. Some who almost had, I have managed to drive away before they taste the first doses of their success. She was a prize. And even if she doesn’t know it, I almost feel like she was mine.

Christine and I have been the best of friends since we were in junior high. And up until college, we were inseparable. I went to our university, even though, other universities of higher standards have given me scholarships. Because what would my college life be, when I had to live with nerds, and bookworms… when I wouldn’t see Christine’s beautiful face every single day. It will never be enough. I will never be complete.

“What did you dream of last night?” She asked me sweetly.

I stared at the road ahead for a full minute, before I slightly turned and looked her in the eye.

“An angel.” I whispered solemnly.

She smiled. A smile that brightened her illuminated face even more.

“Well, I hope angels would come for us soon.” She said. I can hear a sound of frustration in her voice.

I smiled to myself. She is lonely. She is waiting. For me, she is ready. This means I should start working up the courage to show her that I am more than meets the eye. More than a car pool in the morning. More than a shoulder to cry on. More than a friend to lean on.

“Soon, my dear. Soon…” I managed to whisper. And I know I meant it.

I called her that night. An hour after I am certain she had her dinner. Two hours after I know she had finished all her homework. Three hours after I dropped her off her front gate.

“What type of angel are you looking for?” I managed to ask her.

I could imagine her having a dreamy smile on her face.

“Well… nothing fancy really. Just the normal guy-next-door. Someone who could make me smile. Someone who wouldn’t pressure me. Someone who could wait for me to be ready for every single phase of our relationship. Someone smart… and gentle… and caring… someone who could make me laugh. Someone protective. Someone who gets me.”

I smiled to myself.

“Do you have someone in mind for me, finally?” She teased.

I nodded even though I know she can’t see me.

“Jan!”

“I’m nodding.” I said.

“Really?” She asked.

I couldn’t make out if she was excited or nervous this time.

“Soon.” I said simply.

We talked about other things in school. Some of them even gossips. I indulge her with her girl talks. I didn’t like to gossip, but I know listening to her sentiments and the things she picks up from the girls’ locker rooms when she changes for cheerleading practice would work to my advantage in the future. And the future doesn’t seem so far away.

I waited for a week. I will take it slow, I decided. I didn’t want to scare her off. I didn’t want her to stop trusting me. I wanted to show her that there is no one else perfect for her.

And today, is Day One.

I have thought about how to woo her over and over. I will not say what I feel for her. I will not say the flowery words I longed to say to her—yet! I intend to give her all the silent signals… drive her crazy thinking why I am doing it… until I will become a permanent figure in her thoughts… and she finds herself thinking about me, not in a platonic way.

“Oh it’s so cute!” She wailed when she saw the big teddy bear on the backseat of my car.

“Glad you liked him. Because he’s going to occupy your bed starting tonight.” I said.

Her eyes went wide! She gave me a hug.

“Thank you! I love him!” She said. “You are so thoughtful. How do you know I’m still gaga over teddy bears?”

“Every girl still is.” I winked.

She smiled again. And I know the memory of that smile will linger in my thoughts for the next weeks. Because I caused her that smile.

“Are you doing something tomorrow night?” I asked.

She stared at me thoughtfully. “Why?”

I shrugged sheepishly. “I was just thinking we go out. Have dinner somewhere. Unless you were planning a girls’ night out with some of your pom-pom buddies.”

She smiled again. “It’s a date!”

It’s a date! And I thought working on Day Two will be all too hard! Whew!

I took her to Tagaytay. She slept comfortably in the passenger seat for most of the trip. I wanted to reach out, and touch her. Or hold her hand. But I remembered… take it slow. That was the game plan. And it wasn’t like me to make unnecessary diversions.

When we arrived there, I had a dinner reservation for two.

She was impressed… or at least I thought so.

“You didn’t have to go through all the trouble, you know.” She giggled. “But still… I wouldn’t trade this for any other restaurant in the city.”

Day Two: Mission Accomplished. Flawlessly.

We arrived home at three in the morning from Tagaytay. I know that she would snuggle into the teddy bear I gave her and sleep until one in the afternoon.

And that is why I picked her up four-thirty to take her to church. This is my Day Three. We’ve never gone to church together before. But a lot of couples do. And from this day forward, I intend to go with her every single Sunday.

She appeared from the front gate wearing a white skirt that reached down to her knees, and a red V-neck blouse. She tied her hair in braids. She looked so simple. And yet so elegant. Looking so prim, she would doubtless still make heads turn in church. And I am the one she is with.

My Christine, I breathed silently before she got in the car.

Everything was going according to plan. I was thanking my own angels for the way things have been going smoothly.

But like any other perfect and simple journey, humps were sure to appear along the roads.

On the parking lot, before she got into my car, she was accidentally bumped by another churchgoer. Someone above average in the looks department, much to my own dismay.

“Derek!” She beamed.

And she knows him too! What are the odds???

“Chrissy! I am so sorry. I didn’t know it was you!” He said.

It made me want to ask, And if it wasn’t her, you wouldn’t be sorry at all? But I know when to keep my mouth shut.

“It’s okay. I didn’t know you go to the same church.” She said.

He nodded. “Yeah. I go here every Sunday.”

What are the chances, right?

“By the way, Derek, this is my best friend, Jan.” She said looking over at me.

Derek smiled at me warmly. On the other hand, I raised a brow.

“Nice to meet you, Jan.” He said politely, offering his hand.

I took it, but I didn’t say a word. I squeezed his hand to send a signal. To my surprise, he squeezed my hand as well.

And that is when I knew he was a threat. I was sending him a message. He was sending me one too.

I would guess, he meant to say, I hope we get along well, I like your best friend. I am pretty sure, I meant, Stay away from her. I am marking my territory.

I didn’t call her after I took her home. I am positive about the progress I am making. And sometimes, the cliché is true. Absence can make the heart grow fonder.

So Day Three didn’t turn out exactly how I planned it to be. But there is always Day Four to look forward to. And like I said, I wasn’t one to make unnecessary detours from the game plan.

I woke up early to pick up the roses I had ordered from the florist. I placed it on the backseat. I planned to tease her… tell her I just decided to give some girl some flowers… and I would give it her when we arrive in the campus.

For the first time, she appeared on her front gate, wearing a black skirt, and a floral pink top. Not only that, she was wearing light make up.

I bit my lip. I was completely bewitched that it took me a moment to decipher the news she was excitedly telling me as soon as she got in.

“What?” I asked.

“Derek! He called me last night! We talked for hours!” She said beaming. “He was in many of your classes! How come you never mentioned him?”

I stared at her, trying to control the cold fury that is clouding my sanity.

“I didn’t know him.” I said calmly and I drove on.

“He knows you though. He said you were the smartest in all of the classes that you shared. I told him that it’s not news to me. You were brilliant.”

“Thank you.” I said quietly.

“Jan…” She said slowly. And I knew it was coming. I knew I wouldn’t like the rest of what I was about to hear.

I just raised a brow at her for a short moment and continued to drive.

“He asked me out. I said yes.”

I almost stepped on the breaks harder than normal when we got to the stoplight.

“Ouch!” She said. “Drive carefully.”

“When?” I asked when I finally manage to get a grip of my temper.

“Tonight.” She replied.

“Why tonight? Why so sudden?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes. “Hello! It’s Valentines’ Day!”

I know.

“It’s the first Valentines I am going to spend with a potential boyfriend in years.” She said happily.

I didn’t say anything anymore. Afraid that if I do, it wouldn’t come out nice.

She turned to the backseat and saw the roses.

“Wow! Whose are they?” She asked.

I took a deep breath. “For my… mother.” I lied.

“Why?” She asked.

I stared at her for a moment, and then I said, “It’s Valentines’ Day.”

Day Four was a disaster. I sulked in my bedroom. I played Aerosmith over and over, and I must have smoked two packs of cigarette in the balcony of my room, while I drank six cans of Strong Ice.

I am not going to call her. I want her to feel that I wasn’t okay with the whole situation, and somehow, I wanted to believe that she would care if I was okay with her dating some guy or not.

I received a call from her by one in the morning.

“You’re still awake! He kissed me! Oh my God, Jan, I felt wonderful! And he gave me roses! He was the first one to give me Valentine Roses in years! Do you know what this means?”

“That you made it so easy for him to court you?” I snapped.

“Come on, Jan. Please be happy for me. I have been waiting for months, maybe even years, to feel some excitement like this… like my life is about to change.”

“I’m not saying I’m not happy for you. Just… just tread carefully, okay?”

But she didn’t tread carefully… nor slowly. Derek became her official boyfriend two days after Valentine’s day. Which means, he got her after his Day Two.

So my Day Four up to Day Ten was a complete disaster. I even lost the privilege of being her car pool. How convenient of Derek to live in the same neighborhood as mine and Christine’s!

Day Eleven. I got a call from Christine when I went home.

“I miss you.” She said. I could almost imagine the tears in her voice.

“Well… we’ve got different things on our minds. We’ve been both busy lately.” I said casually. But inside, I wanted to scream! I wanted to go to her house, and just crush her in my arms. And tell her I love her! That I have always loved her! That I can give her more than what Derek could! His was just an attraction. Mine was pure love… selfless love!

“Let’s meet up. Come to my house in an hour. I miss hanging out with you!”

I took a quick shower. My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I am going to see her! She missed me.

But when I got to her place, she was waiting for me at the gate, with Derek’s arms wrapped around her.

I couldn’t speak. I have been trying my best avoid them in the campus. They have been all over the place, lately, snuggling, kissing, enough to make me want to puke, apart from the fact that my heart is already shattered.

“Come on. Let’s, the three of us, go out.” Christine said cheerfully.

I stared at Derek. He stared back at me and then shrugged.

We went to Malate for drinks. I tried to disguise the pieces of my broken heart with some fake smiles. Derek, on the other hand, looked like he was having fun. He was always trying to strike a conversation with me. It looked like a question and answer portion for a while, until I realized that this guy is trying to reach out to me.

I felt a smile tug on my lips as a plan begins to hatch at the back of my mind.

By the time the night is over, I was convinced that my plan will be brilliant. Derek is not the first guy I will drive away from Christine. I have triumphed in the past, what would make it different this time around? It might require some desperate measures, but if Christine is the trophy I will take home by the end of the day, I am willing to risk it.

When we got back to Christine’s house at three in the morning, Derek was quite convinced he has won my vote. He got my number, and said that we should hang out one of these days. I simply smiled and nodded and then I took his number instead.

“I’ll let you know when I am not busy.” I said.

“Come on. You are always busy heading those Student Council things of yours.” He said. “Christine would be happy if we could be friends. It would mean a lot to her.”

You already thought she would die for you, you asshole! I thought. But I simply nodded.

I managed to stay away from the limelight of their relationship for the next nine days.

Day Twenty, I sent an SMS to Derek.

Jan here. I’ll be in Malate tonight by nine PM.

By nine sharp, I received a message from Derek.

I’m here in Malate already. Where will we meet?

And we did meet. Over a couple of beers and cigarettes, I was slowly winning Derek’s trust. He was pouring in details of his personal life to me. His lousiest dates, his first love, how he lost his virginity. And through it all, we were having a good laugh. I hated to admit that he doesn’t seem like a bad guy. But I won’t let that cloud my own judgment. I’m on a mission here, and I intend to accomplish it.

From then on, I was hanging out with Derek more and more. Like what they said, Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. And Derek doesn’t know that I am his Nemesis.

He seemed too eager to please me. To gain my friendship and my trust. But no matter what a good and responsible guy he would prove to be, he will never earn my vote for Christine. He is not the right one for her! I am!

I used my popularity to my own advantage. Soon, Derek was joining my campaigns in school. He was too happy to have easily become part of the circles I move in. He was hanging out with Student Council officers, varsity players, debate club members. I was happy to indulge him with new friends and new company, so long as he doesn’t spend too much time in the bleachers in pep rallies, where my Christine is going to be.

And soon enough, I know that my brilliant plan is working. He is spending more time being a part of committees in the campus that he barely finds time to spend with Christine.

Day Thirty. Christine came back to me. She was unhappy. She asked me to go out with her. And I am more than happy to finally have time alone with her again.

“He doesn’t have time for me anymore!” She said pouring her heart out.

“He’s busy with school activities. He’s heading committees for the council.” I said casually.

“But you were the President of the Council! And you manage to talk to me everyday!” She countered.

I shrugged. “Some guys can only focus on one thing. Some can multi-task.”

Day Thirty-Three. One of the biggest moments I am waiting for finally happened.

Christine and Derek had a major fight. She nagged him about not having time for her. He was happy to ask for some space.

Then, he came to me. I knew he needed a friendly advice. Someone to shed light on him. And he chose me. And so I thought, this is my time. The time to push the limits has finally arrived. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And I will not give up now that I have come so close.

All it took are just some shots of Tequila, a few glasses of hard drink, a few words of consolation, and some expert techniques in manipulation.

I have this one night to use to my advantage. One night to put a serious blow to their relationship.

I stared at Derek. He looked so peaceful with his eyes closed. He didn’t know what hit him. I looked at him one last time, and with a smile on my face I walked out of the room.

My brilliant plan worked. I managed to break them up by Day Thirty-Four.

It took a while for Christine to recover. But I made sure that I was always there. She might think that she will never trust in love again, but I will make her believe that love will conquer everything. And she can learn to trust again.

I will give her the time. Derek is out of our lives for good. And I can pick up where I left off.

From Day Thirty-Five onwards, Christine and I went back to the way we were before Derek bumped into her in the church.

Day Eighty-Five. I figured I have waited long enough. I have stood in the shadows far too long. Day eighty-five will be my big day! Day eighty-five could make or break it for me. And I won’t take any more chances. I will come to take what is rightfully mine.

She was sitting in my bed, flipping through magazines. The night before, I have bought her a ring. I planned to give it to her tonight, when I would tell her exactly what I feel for her. When I would tell her that I have loved her over the years. And I will give the ring to her as a sign of my commitment to love her in the years to come.

But something was not right. I was feeling sick to my stomach.

“Are you okay?” Christine asked me when she noticed my uneasiness.

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. The world is whirling. Everything doesn’t feel right. Then when I couldn’t hold on anymore, I ran to my bathroom and threw up everything I ate that day.

I stared my reflection in the mirror. That moment was a reckoning for me. I closed my eyes in dismay. When I opened them, I saw Christine’s reflection behind me. I turned around and looked at her lovely face.

She was searching my eyes for answers. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was. I wanted to tell her that I remember the very first day I laid eyes on her.

But on this moment, when I planned to tell her how much I love her… all I could say was:






“My period is two months late…”

Nothing Can Prepare You For This Pain...

BREAKUP 101

I have disclaimer for this essay, especially for those who know me.

I just want to make it clear, that I DID NOT break up with my fiancé. We are still very much in love with each other.

But recent events in my life… or the life of a loved one, inspired me to write this. Because it is written with passion and emotion, I do believe it will help those who are in need of it.

Not many of us know a thing or two about one of the hardest things in life. It is a tragedy that some of us go through more than once in their lives.

It is the annoying phenomena called: BREAKUP.

There is no cure for it. No medicine that we can buy over-the-counter that will help ease the pain once it happens to us.

Or maybe there is only one cure. Not really what we wanted to have, nor hear about once the pain is imminent and inevitable. It’s called: TIME.

And while waiting for Time to ease the pain, I have put together some facts that might be of help or assist to make things lighter… if only just a little bit.


1) Breakups happen.

They could probably be happening once every minute or more all around the world. Each minute, a heart breaks. Another person becomes part of the list of people who got dumped.

So if someone dumps you, just think: You are NOT the only one whose heart is breaking at this very moment… and you will not be the last.

2) Breakups can be ugly.

When breakups can be as quiet as slowly and gradually losing connection and communication over months, they can also be as ugly as finding your fiancé in bed with another woman right after you paid your wedding caterer.

It is another fact. Breakups need not be a mutual agreement between two people. It can happen over a space of minutes after planning your future family tree in your head.

It will shatter you. It will break you. It will make you realize that you do not really know the person you have been with for years… and that the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is just… gone, and who is left in front of you is a horrific monster.

3) Breakups are painful.

If you have broken up with someone because you do not love that person anymore, and the breakup did not really hurt as much, well, just think that if you are not in Heartbreak Avenue, the other person probably is.

Breakups are painful.

Do you know that the word heartbreak is not just a figurative word? It is a literal word. When you love a person so much and the other person cheated on you, or decided to call it quits, your heart WILL break! And you will feel the pain… literally!

I don’t know how to describe it to you. Those who have been through heartbreaks probably know what I am talking about. But a heartbreak is a physical, aching pain in your chest, near the center of your ribcage. It is a throbbing, annoying pain that you feel even though you are not crying. Not only is this pain annoying, it affects your daily activities. It shakes your knees and makes them weak. It shortens your breath intake… or make you lose breath. It disturbs your normal sleeping pattern.

And I have to warn you: During the first day, it can be so bad, you cannot sleep no matter how tired you are. You will not have the appetite to eat, no matter how hungry you are. The pain will disturb you so much, your mind will be as active as it can be, that you have to pray so hard for sleep to take you.

It is during this time, that you will rely on your adrenaline to get you through the day. You will be surprised that you will be able to drive at 140 kilometers per hour even though you haven’t had sleep, and you haven’t had a decent meal. Pray that your body will shield you from the pain during this time. The pain can be too much but your subconscious is a powerful weapon.

4) You can be as perfect as you are… but there are no guarantees that you will not get dumped.

There is no formula for being a perfect person. You can be yourself… wild, spirited and fun and later find out that your partner wanted someone prim and proper. Likewise, you can follow all the prudent rules of society and your partner may be finding you boring.

You can be as perfect as a perfect partner could be and is supposed to be today and still find yourself in the dumpster the next day.

So when you get dumped, just accept that it’s one of the facts of life. Not even the rule: Dump him before he dumps you, could prepare you for this possibility.

5) Breakups can happen even when you are in a state of bliss.

Yep. You do not have to fight with your partner twenty-four seven for the whole month to foresee that you will break up.

Breakups can happen even when you thought both of you are at your happiest in your relationship. You could be happy. But he could be happier humping the girl next door. You will never know. If your partner will cheat, he will cheat. You do not have to be too busy at work, or too hung up saving the entire world for him to even think about cheating! He’s a man. And he can be a dog sometimes (if not most of the time), and a flash of boob courtesy of your slutty next-door neighbor can make him jump from your bed to hers.

There are men who can actually resist temptation and realize that he’s lucky with what he’s got. But then again… there are others who can’t give up bachelorhood for a day. There are most of them who can give you heaven and earth one day, and then snatch it away from you the next.

6) You can never be prettier than the other person to assure yourself that your partner will not go astray.

It’s not about your looks. It’s not about the amount of money you have. It’s not about how far you have been in your career.

Breakups are a totally different thing from your looks, your money, your family, your career.
So stop blaming yourself for not having the right boob job, or not having a six-pack, or being stuck in a lousy eight-hour job, ergo, your partner left you for someone or something else.

If he or she really loves you… you will be the most beautiful, the sexiest, the richest and the most successful person in the world for him or her.

But then again, it won’t hurt to put an effort in looking nicer than you do now, or getting that promotion you’ve been wanting for years!

7) Breakups can be a blessing in disguise.

You will never know. Maybe it was the wrong relationship in the first place. Maybe you do deserve someone better.

What if the person destined for you is only a month away from finding you? What if he or she has already found you, but then you were already spoken for?

You were not meant to be a cheater. But then again, your soulmate has already spent too many lifetimes trying to find you. And it just so happens that in this life you were born in the same generation. And he or she is not the person you are with right now.

Breakups are meant to happen. Okay, you are whining now. But who knows? After a few months, when someone a lot more wonderful comes along, you will probably be thanking your ex for dumping you. Maybe it’s destiny’s way of making things easier and happier for you?

8) Getting dumped DOES NOT make you the bad person.

I should probably not be saying this, but somehow, it is true.

No matter how lousy you were in handling the relationship, getting ditched by your partner has a way of erasing those mistakes in the eyes of your friends. As long as you did not cheat, chances are, you will end up being the hero in the relationship. Yes, you had your attitude, but still you were the one who hang on to the last string of hope of making things work. You are not the bad guy, the villain, in this story. Your chances of getting the sympathy of your friends are higher than the other person. Your support group will be bigger.

9) The burden of Karma is always on the person who found refuge in another’s arms.

You did everything you could to make it work. But still, he or she found it more comforting to be with someone else. You were honest. He or she was not.

The rules are simple. Whoever cheated, whoever was dishonest will have it coming sooner or later.

If it’s not you… then you will only whine for a day, a week, maximum a month. And then good things will start happening for you. On the other hand, he or she will be smiling for a day, a week, maybe a maximum of six months… and then things will start happening. And the worse thing about it is that… he or she does not know exactly when.

10) Expect the worst during and after the breakup.

He or she may tell you these things:

a) It’s not you. It’s not about you. It’s me.
b) This is hurting me more than it’s hurting you.
c) I need to sort things out within me so I can deserve you better.
d) It’s not another man or woman.
e) I need to focus on my career first. I have too much on my plate and I need time off to think things over.

Chances are, these are all lies. No matter how much they try to convince you that it’s them, not you… it’s not true. It is you. They are not happy with you anymore and they are happier with someone else.

If the breakup will hurt them more than it will hurt you… they will not have the guts to do it in the first place.

Yes, it is true that they do not really deserve you and that you deserve better… but if a person loves you so much, he or she will work on proving that he or she deserves you WHILE you are still IN the relationship, and not OUT of it.

It may probably be not another man or woman… but we all know it’s easier to breakup with someone you’ve been with for a long time if you know you have a rebound just around the corner.

Yes, career is more important. That’s your brain talking. But then again, the heart will always say, I love you more, ergo, I will make things work, no matter what.

After the breakup, DO NOT expect that they will come back to you promising heaven and earth again. Expect the worst.

They have already hurt you beyond your imagination. So what good could they possibly do to you now?

Expect to run into them whilst locked in a new love’s arms. Or expect that they are already having lots of unadulterated pre-marital sex. The fact that they have broken up with you gave them the freedom to do pretty much what they want with another person.

DO NOT expect that they will go through a month of hibernation and celibacy while you are whining and mending your broken heart.

DO NOT expect that they will have a year’s hiatus from sex with another person in respect of your grieving.

DO NOT expect that they are even sorry for what they did. Because they are old enough to know that if they will be sorry about it afterwards, they will not even go through with it in the first place.

DO NOT appeal to their conscience. They have NONE of that for you.

11) BACKSLIDE is very common… and quite natural.

During the course of a breakup, no matter how ugly it was, you will feel this aching pain of missing the other person. This pain could even come for a few minutes within the times when you thought you already are recovering from it.

This pain will tell you to stop whatever you are doing during the course of your recuperation and call the other person and say that you love and miss him or her.

This is common, especially during the first weeks of your recovery. You could be smiling and laughing, and then feel this aching pain that you think NOTHING else can ease it but the arms of your lost love around you.

When your heart feels this, but your brain is more bent up in moving on, this tip might help you.

Breathe in, breathe out. Count from one to ten (or how long it takes). Then tell yourself this: Okay, this is normal. I feel this because the wound is still fresh. But it is over and I was doing great just a few minutes ago. It is normal that I feel this aching pain… but it will go away in a short while.



Breakups are hard. But it is a common phenomena. It is always tragic to lose a loved one. But the key to recovery is always acceptance. It is over. Accept it.

Do not scold yourself when you cry or whine. It is normal.

Do not think you are pathetic in the eyes of your friends. Because if they really are your friends, they will understand the pain that you are going through and they will walk you through it.

Do not get embarrassed that you were dumped… or replaced by someone who is not even half as good as you are in the looks department. Just remember, if this happens, you already know your partner’s taste and just think that you are over-qualified.

Prepare yourself for the fact that your partner will replace you any time soon after the breakup, if you have not been already replaced before it. Maybe it will make you feel better that you get to see who the competition was first so that you may set higher standards than your partner's.

No matter how long you have been with the person, there are no assurances that he or she will not break up with you. You will be miserable with that person if he or she is not happy being with you anymore. Just think: Okay, so you’ve been together for years now. What are you feeling sorry for? For the five years? For the ten years? But what about FOREVER?

Just ask yourself, what are you doing with a person who loves himself or herself more than he or she loves you? Or what are you doing with a person who does not see his or her future with you?

There is nothing wrong with loving a person unconditionally and selflessly. We all do that once in our lives and hope that that person loves us enough to forget about himself or herself in return. Whatever love you forgot to give yourself, the other person should love you enough to make up for it.

But if the person you are with is not doing this to you, just ask yourself, don’t you think you deserve better?

If a person breaks up with you, it means that the love you thought he or she has for you is no longer enough to make it through the worst storms of life. You could only be wasting your precious love for that person. Maybe someone else deserves it. YOU deserve it.

Let go of the hope. Look into the brighter future ahead of you. Just the fact that you gave all your love to make the relationship work made you the prize, a.k.a the catch between the two of you.

So, take your moment to whine. Talk to your friends. Cry. Let it all out, just to ease that heartbreaking pain, even for just a short while. Then pick yourself together and get up!

Date that one person you have never dated in a while, and deserves a royalty treatment more than anyone else: YOURSELF.

Try on a different hairstyle. Change your whole wardrobe. Change your image. Find a new hobby. Catch up on your writing and reading. Learn the subtlest techniques of flirting.

Be as beautiful as you can be… as beautiful as you should have been.

Be ready to run into your ex in the streets. Show them what they have lost. Even better if you run into them with their new-found love and make sure that when that happens, you appear and look to be a better prize than the one they chose over you! It will not hurt to make them regret what they have done. It’s time you have the last laugh.

And always the golden rule. Always works:

The best way to get even… is to find a much, much better person!!!

From a Guy Who Has a Conscience...

Guys may not always say what they think, or what they feel...

It is hard for them to say sorry when they've hurt the one they love

But it's good to know that some of them actually do feel our pain...

And some of them... had the will to make things right...

And even if things don't work out the way we want them to,

It's the little things that counts big in our hearts...

WHEN SHE CRIES

(Restless Heart)

The road I have traveled on,

Is paved with good intentions

It's littered with broken dreams

That never quite came true

When all of my hopes were dying,

Her love kept me trying

She does her best to hide,

The pain that she's been through.

When she cries, at night,

And she doesn't think that I can hear her

She tries, to hide,

All the fear she feels inside.

So I pray, this time,

I can be the man that she deserves.

'Cos I die a little each time,

When she cries.

She's always been there for me,

Whenever I've fallen

When nobody else believes,

She'll be there by my side

I don't know how she takes it,

Just once, I'd like to make it,

Then there'll be tears of joy,

That fill her lovin' eyes

When she cries, at night

And she doesn't think that I can hear her

She tries, to hide,

All the fear she feels inside

So I pray, this time,

I can be the man that she deserves

'Cos I die a little each time,

When she cries.

So I pray, this time,

I can be the man that she deserves

'Cos I die a little each time,

When she cries.

A brilliant breakup song!

(This is my favorite "BREAKUP SONG". Yes, believe it or not, this is a breakup song. Sounds lyrical, but it is actually full of sarcasm

but so brilliantly composed! This song relates of some things you ask your other half, after they have asked you for some space, or take a break for a while. So brilliant, it makes me laugh sometimes. :D )

Drops of Jupiter

(Train)

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere

With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey

She acts like summer and walks like rain

Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey

Since the return from her stay on the moon

She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun

Did you make it to the milky way

to see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, Did you fall from a shooting star

One without a permanent scar

And did you miss me

while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation

Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey

She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo

Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere

I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane

Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly

so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

And head back to the milky way

And tell me, did venus blow your mind

Was it everything you wanted to find

And did you miss me

while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken

Your best friend always sticking up for you

Even when I know youre wrong

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance

five-hour phone conversation

The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

And head back toward the Milky Way

What if you'll never have one more chance?

The Day she went away...

She said she was lost and confused

You found it funny and you were amused

She said she'll go out for a walk

You didn't think there was need for talk

She put on her shoes and closed the door

You stared at the shattered glass on the floor

You didn't think there was something you lack

But the day she went, she never came back.

She said she just needed time

You thought she just needed to whine

You just stared at her when she cried her tears

You didn't go with her to fight her fears.

Because you always knew she will return

You didn't think there was need for concern

But the day she left, you broke her heart

It was the day, you tore her apart.

You always thought she was just being silly

You never cared that she was unhappy

You didn't listen to her scream and shout

So she put on her shoes and then she walked out.

You thought you will fix things upon her return

There are just some things you didn't learn

Because after that fight, your chance is gone

There will be no undoing of what you have done.

You promised yourself you will make things right

But you didn't know she won't come home tonight

When she walked out, she was hurt and helpless

When you saw her again, she was cold and lifeless.

Now, you wanted to make things right

Apologies should have been said during that night

But you always thought you have another day

You didn't know she won't come back the day she went away...

There are some blows that you will never forget...

Lucy's Agony...

You dreamt of love, you dreamt of happiness...

You kept the faith, and offered forgiveness

But there are hits that are just too low

There will be pain wherever you go.

From the start, he knew of your pain

It's been long but the feelings won't wane

To forget the past is just impossible

But what he did was downright unthinkable.

Jealousy is an illogical feeling

There is no cure, only understanding

He knew you will have pain, you see

But he just added insult to the agony.

You didn't think you could take this blow

Coz what he did was so damn low

You didn't want to argue, didn't want a fight
But what he did was just not right.

He won't do that if he has respect for you

This beating will leave you black and blue

And he even thinks what he did was right

It's useless to pray that he will see the light.

Only God knows until when you will feel this pain

Only He knows until when you will be crying in vain

Because the pain he caused you, he will not see

But still you wait, my dearest Lucy.

When will learn that he will never take your side

Who told you that he's with you in this ride
He will always stand by what he thinks is right
Even if he sees you're bruising in your fight.

Some things are hard to forget, my dear

He has broke your heart, it is quite clear

But he isn't even sorry for what he's done

Maybe later... but only after you are gone.

There is no way out of this, you see

He's stepped over your heart, unfortunately

You'll forgive him... of that, I'm the surest

But pray you will forget, my Lucy Dearest...

****

And so my friend, you wonder, which is worst? To give you a reason for jealousy the first time? Or adding insult to this agony by hitting you where he knows it will hurt???

Heart and Soul...

Love Cannot Live Without Trust (The Greatest Love Story Ever Told)

I love this story better than Sleeping Beauty, better than Cinderella... The Story of Cupid and Psyche has touched the hearts of many... and left most with the yearning to find love that is true enough to survive in spite of all uncertainties... strong enough to survive all obstacles...

Cupid and Psyche
Lucius Apuleius

A certain king and queen had three daughters. The charms of the two elder were more than common, but the beauty of the youngest was so wonderful that the poverty of language is unable to express its due praise. The fame of her beauty was so great that strangers from neighboring countries came in crowds to enjoy the sight, and looked on her with amazement, paying her that homage which is due only to Venus herself. In fact Venus found her altars deserted, while men turned their devotion to this young virgin. As she passed along, the people sang her praises, and strewed her way with chaplets and flowers.

This homage to the exaltation of a mortal gave great offense to the real Venus. Shaking her ambrosial locks with indignation, she exclaimed, "Am I then to be eclipsed in my honors by a mortal girl? In vain then did that royal shepherd, whose judgment was approved by Jove himself, give me the palm of beauty over my illustrious rivals, Pallas and Juno. But she shall not so quietly usurp my honors. I will give her cause to repent of so unlawful a beauty."

Thereupon she calls her winged son Cupid, mischievous enough in his own nature, and rouses and provokes him yet more by her complaints. She points out Psyche to him and says, "My dear son, punish that contumacious beauty; give your mother a revenge as sweet as her injuries are great; infuse into the bosom of that haughty girl a passion for some low, mean, unworthy being, so that she may reap a mortification as great as her present exultation and triumph."

Cupid prepared to obey the commands of his mother. There are two fountains in Venus's garden, one of sweet waters, the other of bitter. Cupid filled two amber vases, one from each fountain, and suspending them from the top of his quiver, hastened to the chamber of Psyche, whom he found asleep. He shed a few drops from the bitter fountain over her lips, though the sight of her almost moved him to pity; then touched her side with the point of his arrow. At the touch she awoke, and opened eyes upon Cupid (himself invisible), which so startled him that in his confusion he wounded himself with his own arrow. Heedless of his wound, his whole thought now was to repair the mischief he had done, and he poured the balmy drops of joy over all her silken ringlets.

Psyche, henceforth frowned upon by Venus, derived no benefit from all her charms. True, all eyes were cast eagerly upon her, and every mouth spoke her praises; but neither king, royal youth, nor plebeian presented himself to demand her in marriage. Her two elder sisters of moderate charms had now long been married to two royal princes; but Psyche, in her lonely apartment, deplored her solitude, sick of that beauty which, while it procured abundance of flattery, had failed to awaken love.

Her parents, afraid that they had unwittingly incurred the anger of the gods, consulted the oracle of Apollo, and received this answer, "The virgin is destined for the bride of no mortal lover. Her future husband awaits her on the top of the mountain. He is a monster whom neither gods nor men can resist."

This dreadful decree of the oracle filled all the people with dismay, and her parents abandoned themselves to grief. But Psyche said, "Why, my dear parents, do you now lament me? You should rather have grieved when the people showered upon me undeserved honors, and with one voice called me a Venus. I now perceive that I am a victim to that name. I submit. Lead me to that rock to which my unhappy fate has destined me."

Accordingly, all things being prepared, the royal maid took her place in the procession, which more resembled a funeral than a nuptial pomp, and with her parents, amid the lamentations of the people, ascended the mountain, on the summit of which they left her alone, and with sorrowful hearts returned home.

While Psyche stood on the ridge of the mountain, panting with fear and with eyes full of tears, the gentle Zephyr raised her from the earth and bore her with an easy motion into a flowery dale. By degrees her mind became composed, and she laid herself down on the grassy bank to sleep.

When she awoke refreshed with sleep, she looked round and beheld near a pleasant grove of tall and stately trees. She entered it, and in the midst discovered a fountain, sending forth clear and crystal waters, and fast by, a magnificent palace whose august front impressed the spectator that it was not the work of mortal hands, but the happy retreat of some god. Drawn by admiration and wonder, she approached the building and ventured to enter.

Every object she met filled her with pleasure and amazement. Golden pillars supported the vaulted roof, and the walls were enriched with carvings and paintings representing beasts of the chase and rural scenes, adapted to delight the eye of the beholder. Proceeding onward, she perceived that besides the apartments of state there were others filled with all manner of treasures, and beautiful and precious productions of nature and art.

While her eyes were thus occupied, a voice addressed her, though she saw no one, uttering these words, "Sovereign lady, all that you see is yours. We whose voices you hear are your servants and shall obey all your commands with our utmost care and diligence. Retire, therefore, to your chamber and repose on your bed of down, and when you see fit, repair to the bath. Supper awaits you in the adjoining alcove when it pleases you to take your seat there."

Psyche gave ear to the admonitions of her vocal attendants, and after repose and the refreshment of the bath, seated herself in the alcove, where a table immediately presented itself, without any visible aid from waiters or servants, and covered with the greatest delicacies of food and the most nectareous wines. Her ears too were feasted with music from invisible performers; of whom one sang, another played on the lute, and all closed in the wonderful harmony of a full chorus.

She had not yet seen her destined husband. He came only in the hours of darkness and fled before the dawn of morning, but his accents were full of love, and inspired a like passion in her. She often begged him to stay and let her behold him, but he would not consent. On the contrary he charged her to make no attempt to see him, for it was his pleasure, for the best of reasons, to keep concealed.

"Why should you wish to behold me?" he said. "Have you any doubt of my love? Have you any wish ungratified? If you saw me, perhaps you would fear me, perhaps adore me, but all I ask of you is to love me. I would rather you would love me as an equal than adore me as a god."
This reasoning somewhat quieted Psyche for a time, and while the novelty lasted she felt quite happy. But at length the thought of her parents, left in ignorance of her fate, and of her sisters, precluded from sharing with her the delights of her situation, preyed on her mind and made her begin to feel her palace as but a splendid prison. When her husband came one night, she told him her distress, and at last drew from him an unwilling consent that her sisters should be brought to see her.

So, calling Zephyr, she acquainted him with her husband's commands, and he, promptly obedient, soon brought them across the mountain down to their sister's valley. They embraced her and she returned their caresses.

"Come," said Psyche, "enter with me my house and refresh yourselves with whatever your sister has to offer."

Then taking their hands she led them into her golden palace, and committed them to the care of her numerous train of attendant voices, to refresh them in her baths and at her table, and to show them all her treasures. The view of these celestial delights caused envy to enter their bosoms, at seeing their young sister possessed of such state and splendor, so much exceeding their own.

They asked her numberless questions, among others what sort of a person her husband was. Psyche replied that he was a beautiful youth, who generally spent the daytime in hunting upon the mountains.

The sisters, not satisfied with this reply, soon made her confess that she had never seen him. Then they proceeded to fill her bosom with dark suspicions. "Call to mind," they said, "the Pythian oracle that declared you destined to marry a direful and tremendous monster. The inhabitants of this valley say that your husband is a terrible and monstrous serpent, who nourishes you for a while with dainties that he may by and by devour you. Take our advice. Provide yourself with a lamp and a sharp knife; put them in concealment that your husband may not discover them, and when he is sound asleep, slip out of bed, bring forth your lamp, and see for yourself whether what they say is true or not. If it is, hesitate not to cut off the monster's head, and thereby recover your liberty."

Psyche resisted these persuasions as well as she could, but they did not fail to have their effect on her mind, and when her sisters were gone, their words and her own curiosity were too strong for her to resist. So she prepared her lamp and a sharp knife, and hid them out of sight of her husband. When he had fallen into his first sleep, she silently rose and uncovering her lamp beheld not a hideous monster, but the most beautiful and charming of the gods, with his golden ringlets wandering over his snowy neck and crimson cheek, with two dewy wings on his shoulders, whiter than snow, and with shining feathers like the tender blossoms of spring.
As she leaned the lamp over to have a better view of his face, a drop of burning oil fell on the shoulder of the god. Startled, he opened his eyes and fixed them upon her. Then, without saying a word, he spread his white wings and flew out of the window. Psyche, in vain endeavoring to follow him, fell from the window to the ground.

Cupid, beholding her as she lay in the dust, stopped his flight for an instant and said, "Oh foolish Psyche, is it thus you repay my love? After I disobeyed my mother's commands and made you my wife, will you think me a monster and cut off my head? But go; return to your sisters, whose advice you seem to think preferable to mine. I inflict no other punishment on you than to leave you for ever. Love cannot live without trust." So saying, he fled away, leaving poor Psyche prostrate on the ground, filling the place with mournful lamentations.

When she had recovered some degree of composure she looked around her, but the palace and gardens had vanished, and she found herself in the open field not far from the city where her sisters dwelt. She repaired thither and told them the whole story of her misfortunes, at which, pretending to grieve, those spiteful creatures inwardly rejoiced.

"For now," said they, "he will perhaps choose one of us." With this idea, without saying a word of her intentions, each of them rose early the next morning and ascended the mountain, and having reached the top, called upon Zephyr to receive her and bear her to his lord; then leaping up, and not being sustained by Zephyr, fell down the precipice and was dashed to pieces.

Psyche meanwhile wandered day and night, without food or repose, in search of her husband. Casting her eyes on a lofty mountain having on its brow a magnificent temple, she sighed and said to herself, "Perhaps my love, my lord, inhabits there," and directed her steps thither.

She had no sooner entered than she saw heaps of corn, some in loose ears and some in sheaves, with mingled ears of barley. Scattered about, lay sickles and rakes, and all the instruments of harvest, without order, as if thrown carelessly out of the weary reapers' hands in the sultry hours of the day.

This unseemly confusion the pious Psyche put an end to, by separating and sorting everything to its proper place and kind, believing that she ought to neglect none of the gods, but endeavor by her piety to engage them all in her behalf. The holy Ceres, whose temple it was, finding her so religiously employed, thus spoke to her, "Oh Psyche, truly worthy of our pity, though I cannot shield you from the frowns of Venus, yet I can teach you how best to allay her displeasure. Go, then, and voluntarily surrender yourself to your lady and sovereign, and try by modesty and submission to win her forgiveness, and perhaps her favor will restore you the husband you have lost."

Psyche obeyed the commands of Ceres and took her way to the temple of Venus, endeavoring to fortify her mind and ruminating on what she should say and how best propitiate the angry goddess, feeling that the issue was doubtful and perhaps fatal.

Venus received her with angry countenance. "Most undutiful and faithless of servants," said she, "do you at last remember that you really have a mistress? Or have you rather come to see your sick husband, yet laid up of the wound given him by his loving wife? You are so ill favored and disagreeable that the only way you can merit your lover must be by dint of industry and diligence. I will make trial of your housewifery." Then she ordered Psyche to be led to the storehouse of her temple, where was laid up a great quantity of wheat, barley, millet, vetches, beans, and lentils prepared for food for her pigeons, and said, "Take and separate all these grains, putting all of the same kind in a parcel by themselves, and see that you get it done before evening." Then Venus departed and left her to her task.

But Psyche, in a perfect consternation at the enormous work, sat stupid and silent, without moving a finger to the inextricable heap.

While she sat despairing, Cupid stirred up the little ant, a native of the fields, to take compassion on her. The leader of the anthill, followed by whole hosts of his six-legged subjects, approached the heap, and with the utmost diligence taking grain by grain, they separated the pile, sorting each kind to its parcel; and when it was all done, they vanished out of sight in a moment.
Venus at the approach of twilight returned from the banquet of the gods, breathing odors and crowned with roses. Seeing the task done, she exclaimed, "This is no work of yours, wicked one, but his, whom to your own and his misfortune you have enticed." So saying, she threw her a piece of black bread for her supper and went away.

Next morning Venus ordered Psyche to be called and said to her, "Behold yonder grove which stretches along the margin of the water. There you will find sheep feeding without a shepherd, with golden-shining fleeces on their backs. Go, fetch me a sample of that precious wool gathered from every one of their fleeces."

Psyche obediently went to the riverside, prepared to do her best to execute the command. But the river god inspired the reeds with harmonious murmurs, which seemed to say, "Oh maiden, severely tried, tempt not the dangerous flood, nor venture among the formidable rams on the other side, for as long as they are under the influence of the rising sun, they burn with a cruel rage to destroy mortals with their sharp horns or rude teeth. But when the noontide sun has driven the cattle to the shade, and the serene spirit of the flood has lulled them to rest, you may then cross in safety, and you will find the woolly gold sticking to the bushes and the trunks of the trees."

Thus the compassionate river god gave Psyche instructions how to accomplish her task, and by observing his directions she soon returned to Venus with her arms full of the golden fleece; but she received not the approbation of her implacable mistress, who said, "I know very well it is by none of your own doings that you have succeeded in this task, and I am not satisfied yet that you have any capacity to make yourself useful. But I have another task for you. Here, take this box and go your way to the infernal shades, and give this box to Proserpine and say, 'My mistress Venus desires you to send her a little of your beauty, for in tending her sick son she has lost some of her own.' Be not too long on your errand, for I must paint myself with it to appear at the circle of the gods and goddesses this evening."

Psyche was now satisfied that her destruction was at hand, being obliged to go with her own feet directly down to Erebus. Wherefore, to make no delay of what was not to be avoided, she goes to the top of a high tower to precipitate herself headlong, thus to descend the shortest way to the shades below. But a voice from the tower said to her, "Why, poor unlucky girl, do you design to put an end to your days in so dreadful a manner? And what cowardice makes you sink under this last danger who have been so miraculously supported in all your former?" Then the voice told her how by a certain cave she might reach the realms of Pluto, and how to avoid all the dangers of the road, to pass by Cerberus, the three-headed dog, and prevail on Charon, the ferryman, to take her across the black river and bring her back again. But the voice added, "When Proserpine has given you the box filled with her beauty, of all things this is chiefly to be observed by you, that you never once open or look into the box nor allow your curiosity to pry into the treasure of the beauty of the goddesses."

Psyche, encouraged by this advice, obeyed it in all things, and taking heed to her ways traveled safely to the kingdom of Pluto. She was admitted to the palace of Proserpine, and without accepting the delicate seat or delicious banquet that was offered her, but contented with coarse bread for her food, she delivered her message from Venus. Presently the box was returned to her, shut and filled with the precious commodity. Then she returned the way she came, and glad was she to come out once more into the light of day.

But having got so far successfully through her dangerous task a longing desire seized her to examine the contents of the box. "What," said she, "shall I, the carrier of this divine beauty, not take the least bit to put on my cheeks to appear to more advantage in the eyes of my beloved husband!" So she carefully opened the box, but found nothing there of any beauty at all, but an infernal and truly Stygian sleep, which being thus set free from its prison, took possession of her, and she fell down in the midst of the road, a sleepy corpse without sense or motion.

But Cupid, being now recovered from his wound, and not able longer to bear the absence of his beloved Psyche, slipping through the smallest crack of the window of his chamber which happened to be left open, flew to the spot where Psyche lay, and gathering up the sleep from her body closed it again in the box, and waked Psyche with a light touch of one of his arrows. "Again," said he, "have you almost perished by the same curiosity. But now perform exactly the task imposed on you by my mother, and I will take care of the rest."

Then Cupid, as swift as lightning penetrating the heights of heaven, presented himself before Jupiter with his supplication. Jupiter lent a favoring ear, and pleaded the cause of the lovers so earnestly with Venus that he won her consent. On this he sent Mercury to bring Psyche up to the heavenly assembly, and when she arrived, handing her a cup of ambrosia, he said, "Drink this, Psyche, and be immortal; nor shall Cupid ever break away from the knot in which he is tied, but these nuptials shall be perpetual."

Thus Psyche became at last united to Cupid, and in due time they had a daughter born to them whose name was Pleasure.